Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize