I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
3pm strippers are depressing
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
