is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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