I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
