It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Welp...herpes.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
