If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
True college students do jello shots in the library
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
