You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
