Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
