and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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