I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
