i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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