It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
