I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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