i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
