; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
