Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
