Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
