We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
birth control should be required to get into college
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
