i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize