First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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