worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
