she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
