I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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