im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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