i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
