dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
