We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
