____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I've blown a few things in my day
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
