Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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