She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
