The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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