I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
