dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
