Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
