Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
