Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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