i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
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