ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
