Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize