I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
