I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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