he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I understand Curling. That high.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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