I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize