there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
