I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
