Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
