she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
