Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
