We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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