fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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