Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
