i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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