Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
