I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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