i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
