is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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