Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
