Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
