Don't make out with my wife yet
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
