I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
