I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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