I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
