This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you inspire me to be a worse person
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
