i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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