somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
