who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
