oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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