I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
