just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
