he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
