she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
