i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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