I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
