Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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