i just wanna soil my oats bro
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
