He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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